Why Would I Write

Category: Thoughts

  • I guess we’re back (to smoking cigarettes now)

    I guess we’re back (to smoking cigarettes now)

    It would be easy to write a year-end recap about how 2025 went.

    But that’s not really what I like to do. Simple is boring. Predictable. I already do that for my music, and I don’t need to do it here too.

    Besides, everyone could write the same recap. We all got better at something, worse at others, and rebalanced our lives as priorities shifted. Some things became more important, others less so.

    That’s just how life is. A series of choices. What did we sacrifice to gain something else?

    There’s one thing everybody has in common: time. We all spent the same 24 hours a day and arrived at the same point – the end of 2025. We just used that time differently and took steps toward different goals and dreams.

    There’s no right or wrong way to spend time. Life is what you make it. It can be as pressure-cooker as you want it to be, or as chill as you want. Either way, it’s your decision.

    There’s no reason we can’t start things now instead of waiting for next year. Having a fixed point of 365 days to look back on just makes things neater. Otherwise, it doesn’t really matter. Sometimes a year is too long and gets daunting.

    If I had told myself that I wouldn’t stop gymming every week for a full year, I don’t think I could have done it. The fact that I’ve kept it up for almost three years now makes me think, wow, it’s not so hard after all.

    I wasn’t even aiming to do it. I was just taking things a week at a time. Those weeks turned into months, and those months turned into years.

    If I had set out with that goal in mind from the start, it probably would’ve felt overwhelming. Nobody really sets a three-year plan unless you’re a business owner. You take it a day at a time, it turns into weeks, then months, and sometimes years.

    Last year, after moving my guitar into my room, I started playing a lot more. That one small change made all the difference. Being able to reach for my guitar while sitting at my desk meant I picked it up more often.

    Before that, I would only play when I felt inspired or when I had a show to practice for. Now that it’s within arm’s reach, I just pick it up and play when I can.

    That led to the creation of three songs this year, with a couple more in the works. I’ve made more new music in the past year than I’ve done in the past few years. I could write about how I managed to write three songs this year, but wouldn’t it be more interesting to talk about what I learnt during the process, and what actually made it work?

    Of course, there were trade-offs. I played live music less. I’ve been more keen on writing and recording music in my bedroom — partly because I get to do it with an electric guitar, which I love, but mostly because I enjoy being home by 10pm these days.

    I spent a lot less time hanging out and chilling as well. Wanting to be home by 10 feels weird. Is it an old man thing? Who knows. That’s just how I’ve been.

    That said, I’ll be playing my next show in a week at Merdekarya, so do come check it out. More details coming soon.

    I also got myself a drawing display, which reignited my spark for drawing. I haven’t done much beyond the usual Inktober, but it made me think I’d probably draw a lot more in the future. I also made my first video essay.

    I churned out 30 days of art this year. I wasn’t even planning to do it. I just did it because of a friend’s suggestion. The best part is that I learnt a lot from it. Mainly, that it’s better to have something out than nothing at all.

    You could have a thousand great ideas, but if they never materialise, they might as well not exist.

    I’m firmly in the camp that it’s better to finish something and put it out there now. You can always come back and revise it later. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be complete.

    Nothing is stopping you from improving something later, or from moving on to something else. It’s not like you pressed a thousand vinyls that are now stuck in a warehouse forever. You can fix things in post. Even movies, music, and games do it now — with remasters, remakes, rerecordings, Taylor’s version, and so on.

    If you don’t start, you can’t finish. And if you don’t finish, you won’t know what you need to improve. I really resonate with Nike’s slogan, “Just do it,” even though I don’t own any Nike products myself.

    I travelled to a few places this year. I went to India for the first time for a friend’s wedding. People are always impressed when you wear traditional clothes from their culture. Something about it turns you into a beacon of attention.

    You also learn that different parts of a country can be very different from what you see online. We were holed up in a nice part of the country, right next to the coast. Peaceful. Serene. No shitting in the streets or dirty food. My impression of India is based on that experience, not what the algorithm has fed me.

    Travel also made me realise that I’m not reliant on cigarettes. I travelled to two countries where I couldn’t bring my vape, so I had to switch to smokes for those periods. I thought it would bring back my smoking habit, but after going through that twice, I now think I’m addicted to vaping instead. Vaping is superior.

    Flavour, smell, experience. Everything. I don’t know if I’m going to have jelly in my lungs, but whatever. I hope it doesn’t get banned. If they ban vaping because it’s bad, they should ban cigarettes too. Get the whole country off it. Everybody should suffer at the same time.

    Travelling also taught me that my girlfriend and I are very compatible. Being able to stand each other’s company for two weeks straight can only mean good things. We’re both easygoing and spontaneous enough that doing nothing or doing something is equally fine.

    Not once was there any conflict on the trip. She tolerates my inability to tolerate the cold. What a trooper. I love her.

    Wants and needs change all the time. Earlier this year, I was pining for a walnut SG guitar. In the end, I decided against it. That feeling went away, and I don’t want one anymore.

    I’m happy sticking with the two guitars I already own. I haven’t even maximised their potential yet.

    Dogs continue to be amazing creatures. While I don’t have the capacity to take care of one at the moment, I’ll give my love to the ones I get to meet.

    It’s always good to get rid of junk from your room. I did a massive room-clearing session in early 2025, and I’m due for another one. Why do we keep boxes? Why do I keep boxes? They just pile up nonstop.

    I found a cheaper alternative to a 30k hair transplant: 12k. Still not cheap, but at least now I know. My white beard hairs aren’t going away either. I also learnt the usefulness of hairspray and salt spray. And hair perms are pretty cool.

    Relying on AI to write has hampered my writing ability, but it’s become a requirement at work, so I’ve had to embrace it. I’ve completely changed my workflows to accommodate AI.

    It helps cut out menial tasks, but people who rely on AI won’t be able to do the work on their own in the future. I know because I feel it.

    Immodium is great for easily upset tummies. I keep a stash with me at all times.

    Waking up early is actually great too. I won’t say I wish I had started earlier, but it’s something I hope to keep up. Sleeping is still fun.

    Things that broke this year: my toilet handle, car brakes, and engine cooling fan. It feels like you should always be prepared to spend money, especially around bonus time.

    I attended my school alumni reunion for the first time since I graduated. Some people you can reconnect with immediately, like you never stopped chatting.

    Others fade the less you talk to them. Not saying everybody needs to keep in touch all the time, but don’t be surprised when people disappear if nobody makes the effort.

    I guess this is also a good place to say that I started this blog in 2025 and finished it in 2026. A day late. But I finished it. And that’s kind of the whole point. I could’ve left it sitting in my notes forever, half-written and unfinished, but instead I put it out.

    It’s not perfect, but it’s complete. Finishing something matters a lot more than finishing it on time. Except when it’s your job. Good thing writing this blog isn’t my job.

  • Active, Conscious Appreciation

    Active, Conscious Appreciation

    The other day in the plane, looking out the window at night, seeing KL lit up made me realize how much electricity we use. Which got me thinking about how different life would be without it, something we utterly take for granted. Imagine a life without electricity: no computers, no phones, no TV, no fans, all the things we take for granted.

    It highlights the difference between abundance and scarcity, too. When the toothpaste tube is still new, it’s something you don’t think about. But when you’re reaching the end, you’re thinking, how long can I make this last? Do I really need that much?

    Then I started thinking about all the things we take for granted in life. We take life itself for granted.

    Like when I wake up every morning, I don’t think, “Oh, shit, I’m so glad I’m alive.” I don’t even think about it. Instead, I think, “Fuck, why do I have to get up?” I’m not thankful that I have work to do, things to look forward to; a purpose in life.

    I wake up simply because I have things to do. I take for granted the ability to do them: to drive to the office, speak to people, make decisions, and carry out my tasks. I don’t consider that I could be someone without those abilities or things to look forward to, because it happens all the time, and I never stop to think about it.

    I realized I used to take for granted things like my safety before I was mugged. It took me years before I felt safe to walk the streets with headphones on again.

    And it’s not just personal abilities. We take for granted that the buildings beneath our feet don’t crumble. It would be strange, but not impossible, for the building I’m in to be leveled to the ground. Where would I go? How would I escape?

    We take for granted our ability to breathe, to see, to read, to control our hands. To type, to write, to move, to talk – everything. It can all just disappear one day.

    What I’m trying to get at is this: we take a lot of things for granted, and that’s not a bad thing. We just have to be cognizant of the fact that we could lose any or all of those things at any time.

    I guess now that I’ve put it down into words, I’ve acknowledged what I’m thankful for, and I’m glad. That’s probably enough. No point worrying about every single thing. I guess there’s a balance.

    Like my favorite chicken rice store in the neighborhood. Over the past year, he was constantly moving locations, closing and reopening his shop in different spots, some better than others. He finally caught a lucky break with a spot in a decent kopitiam.

    He told me the kopitiam owner had invited him and given him a good rental rate. The spot was perfect: tons of tables, a roof so people could eat even when it was raining, and a healthy ecosystem with other stalls, but no other chicken rice. Plus, the drinks were handled by the kopitiam.

    Dude was super happy about moving there. I don’t remember exactly how long after he moved, but it must have been only a few weeks: I saw him, fine and dandy, on a Thursday. Two days later, I read the news of his passing in a community Facebook group.

    Apparently, he passed out while setting up the store one morning and died on the way to the hospital. Sad news. The chicken rice stall still exists, life goes on, but not seeing that man there to greet me every time I go for a meal reminds me that life can end in an instant, just like that.

    As the plane landed safely, I thought to myself: people always assume they are never the one in the 0.000001% of people to be in a plane accident, like me.

    But worrying about the uncontrollable; the plane crashing, or life itself; does no good either. It’s entirely out of your control.

    Why waste the energy worrying when it makes absolutely no difference to the outcome? Might as well focus that energy on what you can change.

    And be glad for the flight you’re on. You’re going on a holiday, after all.

  • I spent the last 31 days drawing… and learned some things

    I took part in my fifth Inktober this year, coincidentally two years after my last one (2023). And the one before (2021)…and the one before (2019)…and my first one (2017).

    This time, I felt that I learnt some things, so I wanted to write about them. You know how I love sharing life lessons.

    A fitting conclusion

    Firstly, there’s a reason why I don’t talk much about drawing. I’m not a great artist who is qualified to teach (there are a billion artists out there who can do that better than I ever will).

    Many people claim they’re bad at art even though they aren’t. I actually am bad at art. Objectively, my art sucks. Composition, technique, execution, colors, anatomy, proportions, creativity: everything! Fortunately, I don’t rely on drawing to make a living.

    I think my writing sucks as well, but I’m competent enough to make a living off it. Anyway, we can talk about sucking another day.

    To start off, I wasn’t even planning on participating in Inktober this year. It wasn’t until a few people mentioned it in passing that I thought, “why not?”

    I love drawing anyway, so it didn’t take much convincing. Art is fun.

    It was also a good excuse to draw more and hopefully learn something new in the process. So, for the month of October, I drew a picture almost every day. Here’s what I learnt.

    Consistency is key

    Day 1 rust

    Most people know this, but rust is real. When I started, I was rusty. I hadn’t drawn in months, and you can tell by how shit my pieces were.

    As the days went by and I drew more, I got into the flow again and churned out some decent (for my standards) work. Same thing happens when I don’t play a game or touch the guitar for a while, coming back is always a struggle.

    Which is why if you want to improve at something, showing up every day, even for a short while, is more beneficial than being inconsistent.

    Use crutches until you get comfortable enough

    When I started using layers

    If you can’t make a drawing in a single layer, use another layer. If that isn’t enough, use another one! Sure, it gets tedious, but if you aren’t good enough (like me) to make a nice drawing in one go, take advantage of your tools.

    Previously, I avoided working with many layers because it was time-consuming. My mindset was “oh, it’s just Inktober, nothing serious, I shouldn’t spend so much time on it. My drawings are shitty anyway,” and I churned out shitty drawings.

    This year, about five days in, I decided to use layers properly. I went as messy as I wanted with my initial sketch, lowered the opacity, and traced over with clean strokes. What a world of difference it made.

    It was slow at first, but as I kept using this technique, I found the process much faster than trying to undo all my mistakes on a single layer.

    Time constraints can be helpful

    Drawn on holiday

    Forcing myself to do a 31-day challenge while I had a busy schedule (I was even away on holiday for one of the weekends) meant that I couldn’t spend all day on a single drawing. I limited myself to an hour per piece, and this took a lot of weight off my shoulders.

    You know how when you spend months on a project, you’re so scared of showing it to the world because “it’s incomplete, it’s not ready, it’s not perfect…what if they think it sucks? I spent so many months on a subpar piece of work? What a waste of time!”

    It’s better to spend less time on something that sucks, than to toil away for months on something that sucks as well. If your work sucks, you want to know as soon as possible. Then fix it, change it up, or carry those lessons over to your next piece.

    You’ll only get better if you want to

    I believe here was when I understood how to draw Hornet

    Drawing daily was good for me. My strokes became more confident, I was surer of what I wanted to do and I had a better idea of what my completed piece should be.

    Like playing guitar, if you don’t make a conscious effort to improve a particular technique, you won’t get better at it. There’s a million things to think about when you want to improve at something. Identify what they are and lock in.

    References are your friend

    I wouldn’t have been able to draw this without references

    A lot of people say references aren’t a crutch and I agree. As long as you’re not tracing and pretending you drew something and you learn from drawing it.

    I used references almost every day. Believe it or not, even with characters as simple as those in the world of Hollow Knight, I didn’t know how to draw them before. By the end of Inktober, I could draw Hornet without looking at a picture of her.

    So yeah, if you can’t draw something, or you don’t know how something looks from a certain angle or pose, use references. They exist to help!

    Hotkeys and tools make life easier

    You can tell, I grew very fond of adding particles

    I was using Clip Studio Paint for most of this project and I wasn’t familiar with a lot of the hotkeys. It was a process of learning and tweaking. I memorized new hotkeys and set hotkeys for tools such as custom brushes and flipping the canvas horizontally.

    Having hotkeys made a world of difference. Instead of wasting time clicking everything manually, hotkeys made accessing those tools simple and convenient. This meant I could use them more quickly and frequently, improving my drawing experience and helping me create better artwork.

    Keep experimenting

    Noise is fun

    This Inktober, I tried out many techniques and styles that I had never done before. Stepping out of my comfort zone and changing the way I made art enabled me to see what I was lacking and what I could do to improve.

    I tried to do something new almost every day. A new coloring style, a new tool, a new texture. It kept things fresh and taught me what I liked (and didn’t). Sometimes I discovered things by accident, but that was part of the fun.

    The ‘void’ particles could have been better executed

    My Inktober pieces weren’t amazing, but it makes me happy knowing I finished another year and made some of my favorite drawings yet (I’ll still tell you they suck).

    Maybe you learned something from this, maybe not. Either way, if you’re on your own art journey, take this as your sign to keep drawing.

    As for me, time to finish Silksong.

    SHAW