Why Would I Write

Category: Random

  • Hair. Birds. Batteries.

    People have asked me why do I want to keep my hair long? Well I figured since I have hair now I might as well keep it. When I’m 50 (if I ever reach that age lol) and balding, then it’s time for my hair to go. For now, I’ll keep it as long as I want!

    What do birds think about when they shit on cars?
    “Oh hey! That car looks clean! Let’s shit on it!”

    Why do batteries miraculously come to life when you take them out and put them back in again? Remote not working? Take out the battery and put it back in, viola! It’s good for some more clicks.

  • Set Your Dreams/ Live Your Goals

    Why do people say ‘live your dreams’ when sometimes dreams are so easily achieved or stupid?

    Like the other night I dreamt that I drove a car into a bunch of cops sitting on a table at a mamak. I see it all the time (cops at mamaks), and I could easily ‘live my dream’ if I wanted to. Would doing so give me a sense of accomplishment? Maybe. But it would definitely give me a life time in jail or a death sentence. Either way, it’s not something you want to do.

    Half the time dreams don’t make sense.

    Like a few years ago, I had this dream of being kidnapped by a hot girl and we were making out in the backseat of her car while I was tied up. I mean, sure that was hot as hell but how do I get myself kidnapped? Let alone by a hot girl?! I’m of no value (at least in the monetary sense) so nobody would benefit from kidnapping me. Maybe that dream meant that I should work hard until I become rich enough (or of some value) to be kidnapped. I guess one could interpret it in that way.

    What if someone dreamt about murdering their parents? And they did it. Would they say ‘my dream came true!’ ‘I lived the dream!’

    So in this fucked up world where everybody takes things to literally, I think the right word should be ‘live your goals’. Unless your goal is to become a serial killer.

  • Thursday Thoughts/ Toll Tales

    So I fucked up my plan for this week :/ I didn’t draw on Monday, didn’t write on Tuesday, but I did play a gig on Wednesday. So I get 1/3. Figured I could right the wrong and make it 2/3 today. Hence me writing on a Thursday!

    So, here’s another installment on thoughts on toll booths. I don’t know why I find them so fascinating. Maybe I’ll work in one someday just to get the experience! Anyway I was thinking to myself the other day- do toll booth workers get toilet breaks? And what if they need to use the toilet during peak hours? I figured someone would come and take their place for awhile while they were gone. But let’s say they were at the furthest end from the control center (which is where I assume the subs should be resting)- they would have to wait for the sub to get out of the center, then make his way through the lanes (waiting to make sure the barrier is down before crossing) and then swap with the worker in need. Then that person would have to go all the way to the command center as well, while hoping they can hold their shit in. Imagine being scared by a truck/car while crossing the path. You shit in your pants right in the middle of the road. Hilarious.

    Then I thought to myself, maybe they don’t have to go so far- maybe they have a potty in their booth. Maybe what they are sitting on is a toilet bowl! And they actually have their pants down or no pants on at all! So they can go whenever they want to. So each toll booth is actually an air conditioned toilet. With a window. And a gate. Awesome. Imagine if your toilet was broken? The flush wasn’t working. Then the stench of shit would be in your toll booth the whole day. Not so awesome. So I went back to thinking again- maybe the toilet isn’t so far away and maybe it isn’t in their own booth. Maybe the toilets are in the Smart TAG/Touch n Go booths! I mean, those things have booths with nobody in them! Perfect places to put toilets. Nobody’s gonna go in them, and if the flush was broken, it wouldn’t really affect anybody!

    I think I really need some toll booth worker to share with me what life is like working in one.

    Toll booth chicks gone wild! I have no idea why I have this line saved in my phone. I think I must have thought about toll booth chicks flashing their tits when cars drive by. So wrong, I know.

    I’ve seen a couple of pretty toll booth girls before. Yeah and by couple I mean 2. Maybe 3. Not a lot. I wonder why there aren’t many hot chicks working in toll booths? I think if Taylor Swift worked at a toll booth, I would purposely use that toll at a certain time, and if possible, make a U-Turn to use that toll again just to see her. More money for the highway companies. I’m happy, they’re happy, everybody’s happy, and the world is a better place!