Category: Thoughts

  • Don’t Call It a Comeback (Momentum)

    If there’s one thing I learned the importance of a long time ago, or something I know very well – it’s that momentum is a real thing. Once you start something, it’s easy to keep going. But when you take a break for whatever reason and you walk away from it – coming back to pick up where you left off is a difficult thing to do.

    There are a lot of things I wish I was doing, but I don’t bring myself to do them because it’s so much easier to be lazy and indulge in video games or watching shows. It’s already 7 months into 2019 – and have I accomplished any of my goals for the year?

    Nope.

    The main issue about taking a break from something for a long time is that it’s difficult to pick up and resume where you left of. Before you say, George, “You’re just being lazy!” Yes, I am aware of that. “There’s no such thing as momentum, it’s just your lack of willpower and discipline!” I wouldn’t argue with you about it. But this is something that I’m not the only one who struggles with. It’s a common thing. However, that doesn’t mean it’s something that I should accept. Regardless, it didn’t stop me thinking about it, after all – momentum is a very real thing (and it exists not just for physical objects, but in the metaphysical world as well).

    For example, there have been countless moments in video games like Dota 2, where a team that has been doing poorly at the start of a tournament, picking up steam in the later stages to win the whole thing. On the other end, there have been teams on hot streaks who then have a day off (because they’re in the winner’s bracket) and lose their next match. Even on a lower level, some games are won by momentum because one team keeps its cool under pressure better than the other one. Winning one team fight despite being very far behind turns into winning two, three more, and then the whole game.

    Reeling it back in to something more relatable – is this why some bands find it so difficult to follow up their debut albums? After spending so long on their first one and releasing it, they’ve expended all their creativity and energy, they can’t pick it up for the second release? Or is it why some bands churn out hit records after hit? Or maybe it’s a different reason – in that time between the first and second release, you’ve changed as people, and don’t create the same sort of art as before. You don’t have the same thoughts, you’re no longer in the same head space, maybe you no longer have the same struggles, maybe you have a different set of restrictions this time around. Who’s to say? Not me, I haven’t released an EP since A Million Different Weddings (which remains unfinished til this day if you remember my promise of creating album art for it).

    I’m sure it’s just my lack of willpower.

    Momentum is important. I remember last year when I was blogging on a daily basis – it was easy to keep up. I wrote something everyday, I forced myself to do it. Sure, it hampered the quality of my writing (to be honest, it wasn’t that great to begin with) but at least it was consistent. These days, I find myself looking at the calendar and going – oh, it’s been a week since my last post. I guess it’s time to write a new one.

    It’s kinda difficult to write when you’re not doing it everyday (work doesn’t count). Like my comic. Animal Bus – I haven’t been working on it for some time – we’re way past the December launch date I set for myself last year, and I’m nowhere near the state I want the comic to be before I release it. My game – no progress, ideas. Songs – I’ve managed to write something new, but I haven’t branched away from my usual acoustic guitar, 4-chord song structure nonsense.

    I guess I’m making excuses for myself when I don’t need to. I’m not even on a deadline, and nobody is holding their breath for my stuff. What I’m trying to say in so many words is that I haven’t accomplished anything this year. What’s new?

  • The finality of death.

    Yesterday, the empty spot next to my grandma’s urn was filled with my grandpa’s. It sucks that he’s no longer around, but I believe it’s better than living tethered to a bed.

    Thank you for all the trips to the cinema to watch Jacky Chan movies. Thank you for buying those tapes of Mind Your Language (I think it was Mind Your Language, I’m not 100% sure) so we could enjoy learning English together.

    Thank you for all the trips to Genting Highlands, I hope you weren’t too scared when I was behind the wheel for one of the drives. That C Class was a blast to drive. The first time I saw a car phone was in your old ass Mercedes. I wanted to press the buttons but was told not to fuck around with it.

    There was one time, we were coming down from Genting and I couldn’t hold my pee in. I remember grandma had to hold a bottle for me to pee in because you didn’t want to stop the car, or there wasn’t a stop nearby – I forgot. All I gotta say is that was one messy trip. Sorry, grandma.

    Grandpa’s death reminded me of two stories. One – from a motivational speaker who was saying that everything in life is neutral – it is up to you to place a value onto it. He gave an example about the death of a loved one. It isn’t inherently bad or good – you decide what it means to you. It can be negative in the sense that you’ll miss that person, or in some cases their debts/problems get pushed to you. It can be positive because they no longer have to suffer, and it brings families together. Especially if they don’t meet up very often. This time, I experienced the latter. It was nice catching up. I still don’t agree with trying to convert attendees during a wake, but hey – it wasn’t my say as I didn’t organize it. Also, what’s the point of eternal life? Stay classy, Christians.

    The second story was more of a joke/”psychological test” that I heard many years ago about why someone would murder their own family member to go to a funeral again. I wasn’t planning to kill anyone, it was just one of the things that popped into my mind.


    I’ve been to way too many funerals recently (they’re not enjoyable even though they contain the word ‘fun’) – hopefully this will be the last post on the topic for a while.

    Rest in peace, grandpa.

  • School for Adults

    It’s that time of the year again – where almost every working adult has to allocate time and resources working out how much money they owe to the government for the past year. For the past few years it has been pretty routine for me – doing the same thing I have been doing for the past few years. This year, it’s different. I’m now a contract worker – not part of a full-time workforce (even though my work pretty much takes up all of my time, so it’s like a full-time job without the benefits of a full-time job). So, the taxing process is a bit different. I have to fill in another form (I’m technically working for my own company) – something I haven’t done before. And because I don’t know who to ask for help, I’m figuring stuff out on my own. If I do get in trouble for fraud or mistakes in my tax application, do know it’s because of my ignorance/stupidity not because I’m trying to fuck with the system.

    Which reminds me of the first time I ever had to file my taxes. I found the whole process so cumbersome and counter-intuitive. I had people to help me out with it back then, so I managed to figure it out in the end. But now I’m back at step one again, filling out a different form. Back then, I remembered thinking to myself – how come there’s nobody teaching these life skills in school? School and college (AKA daycare) didn’t prepare me for this. In fact, nothing did. I had to learn everything through trial and error.

    Then I thought about why wasn’t it taught in school? Was it not relevant to most of the kids who would be growing up? My mind wandered on, and I realized that there were plenty of skills that you need as an adult to survive in today’s world but nobody ever told you what they were. You’d need to figure them out on your own. I guess that’s what makes life interesting – the wealth of new scenarios you’re yet to experience. But for some folks who want the shortcuts and cliff notes, there could be something to help them. Then I realized, there should be a school for adults.

    I’m not sure if the demand is there rightaway to start a brand new school, but it could begin as classes/supplementary courses in colleges, universities and offices. If it gained enough traction, it could expand to dedicated centers around the city and eventually country.

    We’d teach people the basics of being an adult: how to file taxes, what to look for when buying a home or secondhand car, applying for loans, what to do in the event of a car accident, how to read body language, how to handle interviews, how to write a CV/resume, how to dress up for different occasions, the importance of dressing well, grooming, how to cook, what to do when your wallet is stolen, how to handle a pregnancy, basics of raising a child, handling breakups and divorces, and so on. We’d start with the most important things, but the number of topics relevant to being an adult can go on forever!

    It should be only a few days long at max – because adults don’t have much time for anything else. And it could also be something they wouldn’t have to take leave from work to attend. It should also be affordable – since we’re not teaching rocket science, we don’t need to hire professors to educate.

    It’s unlikely I’ll start my school for adults in the future, but if anybody decides to run with the idea, feel free to credit me. Or not. In the meantime, I’ll go back to figuring out how to fill up my e-B form.