Category: Thoughts

Last year I wrote a couple of reflection posts, and this year while thinking of what to write I reread them and realized that I haven’t done what I said I would do. My first game still remains in development hell (LUL – more like I haven’t made much effort to start it) and I’m still terrible at keyboards.

A lot of things have changed for me this year. Not sure if it’s for better or worse, but such is life and changes are inevitable. It is the only constant. This year, I experienced snow for the first time. While it wasn’t a lot of snow, it was more than enough for me and I realized that it’s not the best thing ever despite how romanticized it has been portrayed in film. Snow means the weather is really cold. I’m not a big fan of the cold. Cool weather is great, freezing temperatures not so much. Also, having to get rid of the frost on your windows every morning before you drive your car seems like a troublesome.

I left my job at Big Bad Wolf and took a long break before getting another job. During the break, I went on a solo retreat in Cameron Highlands. It wasn’t everything I thought it would be, but it was still an enlightening experience. Ideas don’t just come to you (or me at least). I wouldn’t say it was a waste of time, petrol and money – but I clearly didn’t accomplish what I had set out to do. It wasn’t a complete waste since I managed to come up with a couple of songs and did some preparation for my Nanowrimo novel, but it wasn’t my Morning View.

Speaking of Morning View, Incubus is coming to Malaysia again. I’m not going to see them since I’m not a big fan anymore, but it’s nice to know that this country is still on the map for artists overseas. The XX is coming as well.

I spent the whole of November working on my Nanowrimo novel. This year, I went in with a plan which worked great for the start, but I finished my novel before the 50k mark, so I had to expand and make up a whole bunch of other stuff to hit the target. The last time I wrote my novel, there was not much of a plan and it felt easier to hit the target since I just wrote whatever came to mind. Maybe the next time (if I ever do it again), I’ll go in with a looser plan.

I recorded a couple of songs this year. I didn’t manage to record an EP in a studio. I think I’ll focus on doing some home recordings for now. I’ll put some money into recording them when I feel like I really need to. Plus, it’s been a lot of fun doing recordings at home anyway. GarageBand and Audacity are pretty fun.

I’ll probably do more reflecting over the next few days but for now this will do.

I’ll never be a professional Dota 2 player. Maybe if I went back in time and committed myself to the game. Just maybe. But for now, I’ll stay a regular pleb, struggling to win matches against people in the same skill bracket as me. I don’t have the mechanical skills that professional players have. I don’t have the skills of each hero or costs of each item memorized. I don’t know how much damage each skill does, what its cooldown is or how much mana it costs at each level. Let’s not even talk about farming patterns or last hitting skills.

It’s not the end of the world though. I have fun playing the game. I enjoy all the banter and trash talk that goes on between my friends and me. It’s how we bond. It’s like talking shit over a couple of pints. Except that it’s much cheaper and we can do it over the comfort of our own homes. Sure, sometimes it gets stressful, especially when we’re on a losing streak. But you can’t win every game you play, so I just accept it. I win some, I lose some.

It’s like life. Not everything goes your way. Even if you’ve planned something down to the finest detail. There are elements of randomness that can throw everything away. A lucky rune or Roshan respawn. An accidental feed. Accidentally activating your Black King Bar too early, and not having it ready in time for the next fight. There’s a million things that could go wrong. Just like how there’s a million things that could fall into place for no good reason, and you end up winning off it.

Sometimes one mistake is all you need – to win or to lose. It’s unpredictable. You’re on a team of five people playing against five other people. Human beings do the most random shit, sometimes you can’t even understand their decisions. But it’s just a game, and we all go along with it. You make the most of it. You can play to the best of your ability and adapt to everything else that happens. Sometimes it’s good enough, sometimes it isn’t.

The best planned projects can end up failing, and sometimes last-minute work gets you your client’s approval. Mistakes can turn into opportunities and vice versa. Timing, opportunities, and communication. All essential skills both in-game and in life.

Enemy split pushing you? Try to get a successful gank off and force them to retreat. Enemy five-man pushing you? Split up and take multiple objectives, forcing them to retreat. Game is in a stalemate? Catch them off-guard and force a high ground fight.

Work got you feeling down? Get a new job, ask for a new role, take a break. Feeling broke? Watch your budget, don’t overspend, save more. Don’t have enough time to do something you like? Spend less time on other things so you can make time for it. There’s always a solution to everything – but it’s not always going to be easy. You’re going to have to make sacrifices in life. That’s just how things are.

Sometimes you want to play the mid role, but there’s somebody else on the team who picked mid first. That’s fine, just pick another hero and go to another lane. Learn to adapt, overcome. There’s nothing wrong with playing another role. Sure, you don’t get to hog the limelight, but you’ll get your chance another day. There’s always another day.

It’s just like life. I’ll never be a professional Dota player, but at least I’ll be a professional at something else, and I’ll be making more money than I ever will playing the game (I’ll eat my words if I ever qualify at The International Kappa) – and that’s all that matters.