Why Would I Write

Tag: writing

  • Or anything else to lean on

    Or anything else to lean on

    Yesterday, I asked myself: why do I even bring my bag to the office? I started thinking about it. Then it hit me – going to work was like going to school. It was part of my “uniform”. I’ve worn a backpack almost every day in my life ever since I was five. I’m turning forty this year. That’s crazy.

    Why is it crazy? Well, there are many days when I don’t even touch my backpack after arriving at the office. I put it down next to my seat and ignore it for the next 8 hours of the day. It just sits there all day collecting dust and bacteria from all the feet shuffling by.

    I’m carrying my bag for nothing. It contains my personal laptop, its accessories, my gym tag, lock, water bottle, keys, and wallet. It makes sense to bring it out during my work-from-home days, but on my office days? I have no reason to.

    My office laptop stays in the office, so it’s not like I need the bag to lug it home. Then why do I still bring my backpack to the office? I used to think it was a great idea to have my laptop with me at all times. That way, whenever inspiration struck, no matter where I was, I’d be able to pull out my laptop and start writing. Hah! Ever the optimist.

    That used to be the case, but no longer in recent months. Despite having my laptop with me at all times, I haven’t felt the bug to write. As evident by the date of my last blog post. It’s tough deciding what I’d like the world readers to know about me.

    I obviously can’t bear everything about myself, firstly – it would be boring. Secondly, there are parts of my life I don’t want out there for everyone to read. Not that they would be interesting – trust me, I’ve milked stories about my life enough. Heck, this blog is 90% about my life.

    I’ve shared more about myself than anybody needs to know. Hopefully, it’s been entertaining.

    I write for funsies. I’d like to believe it keeps my writing abilities intact. As though I don’t already write enough at work. But if I can’t tell my own stories, how can I do the same for other people? You gotta practice what you make a living off.

    It gives me comfort knowing that the best writers I know write for fun. There must be a reason, right? Regardless, it’s fun to write for fun.

    However, I have been suffering from writer’s block recently. Is it all in my head? Am I making excuses for myself? Maybe. The lack of recent blog posts is proof that I haven’t been able to complete a piece of writing for fun (I’ve got tons of shitty drafts though).

    My songwriting has also been on hold because of this. I told myself I would take a break from live shows to focus on writing new songs because I didn’t want to keep playing the same songs forever. I haven’t played a live show in months.

    I took time to write new music and I have three new demos now, but none of them have vocal melodies, let alone lyrics. Where I’m also stuck.

    You know how much easier it is to write song lyrics when you’re feeling heartbroken and upset? Suddenly, everything you say sounds like poetry. It’s not what I’m going through now. I know it’s an excuse. I should be able to write lyrics even when I’m not unhappy.

    It’s tough and a step out of my comfort zone. But that’s just what life is. Sometimes you need to step out of your comfort zone – if you want to make progress in life or make it interesting. You do things you don’t do every day. Like learning to write non-depressing lyrics.

    Maybe I need to stop bringing my backpack to the office. My back might thank me for it. Perhaps not having access to my laptop at all times will inspire me to write more. It can’t hurt to try. And doing the same thing and expecting different results is insanity. Something needs to change.

    I need to make moves, not excuses.

  • Unoptimized H1

    Unoptimized H1

    Every time I told people I blogged, I said that it was my way of practicing writing. My way of keeping my writing sharp. Yet, it’s something that I haven’t been doing consistently. Am I truly honing my skills? Does writing once a month count as practice?

    Let’s look on the bright side – it’s infinitely better than zero times a month!

    I set aside some time today after work to check myself in(to a cafe), free of all distractions, just to get some writing done. It was a chore. But I forced myself to do so and I’m glad I did.

    It took me a couple of minutes to get started but now the words are just flowing out from my fingers. Yes, this post is going to be a brain dump.

    I’m writing less frequently than I used to which isn’t a problem. But not doing anything else productive with all the free time is. However, after sitting through an SEO workshop today, I felt inspired. The advice from my colleague who ran the workshop wasn’t directed at me, but I felt it. He said, paraphrased:

    “There’s no being perfect, just write. You can come up with the perfect article, but if you don’t optimize the keywords, nobody is going to find it. And in our fast-paced landscape, being late means other people are going to rank their pages before you. Write your article quickly, then use data to optimize it later.”

    It wasn’t a revelation, in fact, it has been my philosophy for creating content. I’m the kind of guy who will push out shit thinking I will go back to make it better in the future (which rarely happens when it comes to personal projects). I enjoy the feeling of creating content. It pleases me to work on something that other people (no matter how few) can enjoy.

    Why? I don’t know. I’m just built that way. In case you didn’t know, almost all my hobbies involve creating some sort of content (the other hobbies involve consuming content). From writing blogs to recording and performing songs and drawing drawings and trying to make videos (I know, I still haven’t started work on a video essay) – these hobbies give me a sense of achievement.

    Okay, back to the lesson from the workshop: I know I’m not writing hard-hitting SEO-optimized posts on this blog (did you know I moved from number to text slugs over the past year? lol). I don’t even categorize or tag my content properly most of the time. But the advice reminded me of one of my favorite quotes: “Progress, not perfection.”

    It got me thinking, about how when I first started blogging back in school, I would treat my blog like a diary. Writing all sorts of cringy shit…it was all but a Xanga in name. Over the years, it has evolved. Slightly. Still cringey, but I hate what I write now much less than what I did before. Decades of aging does that to you, naturally.

    (10 years later, I’m going to come back to this and laugh.)

    I can’t believe that after writing for decades I’m still not some writing savant. See, I used writing twice in a single sentence. Check out my unbridled vocabulary. Yet, I have the audacity to call myself a writer and ask to be paid for my work.

    What is this mid-life imposter syndrome crisis resurfacing?

    Writing about writing. It seems to be a frequent topic on this blog. Me feeling bad about not writing enough and writing about that promising that I’ll write more. I’m not going to do that because I don’t need to. This site doesn’t survive on clicks (it survives because I give money to my web host annually). And as long as I want to keep a public place to pen my thoughts, it’ll remain that way.

    Keeping in line with the theme of today’s lesson, I won’t be editing this drivel. Hope you enjoyed reading it. If it inspires you to write or create something of your own, great! I look forward to ingesting it…like a fish swallowing a worm. And it means that something positive came out of this.