Yesterday, I asked myself: why do I even bring my bag to the office? I started thinking about it. Then it hit me – going to work was like going to school. It was part of my “uniform”. I’ve worn a backpack almost every day in my life ever since I was five. I’m turning forty this year. That’s crazy.
Why is it crazy? Well, there are many days when I don’t even touch my backpack after arriving at the office. I put it down next to my seat and ignore it for the next 8 hours of the day. It just sits there all day collecting dust and bacteria from all the feet shuffling by.
I’m carrying my bag for nothing. It contains my personal laptop, its accessories, my gym tag, lock, water bottle, keys, and wallet. It makes sense to bring it out during my work-from-home days, but on my office days? I have no reason to.
My office laptop stays in the office, so it’s not like I need the bag to lug it home. Then why do I still bring my backpack to the office? I used to think it was a great idea to have my laptop with me at all times. That way, whenever inspiration struck, no matter where I was, I’d be able to pull out my laptop and start writing. Hah! Ever the optimist.
That used to be the case, but no longer in recent months. Despite having my laptop with me at all times, I haven’t felt the bug to write. As evident by the date of my last blog post. It’s tough deciding what I’d like the world readers to know about me.
I obviously can’t bear everything about myself, firstly – it would be boring. Secondly, there are parts of my life I don’t want out there for everyone to read. Not that they would be interesting – trust me, I’ve milked stories about my life enough. Heck, this blog is 90% about my life.
I’ve shared more about myself than anybody needs to know. Hopefully, it’s been entertaining.
I write for funsies. I’d like to believe it keeps my writing abilities intact. As though I don’t already write enough at work. But if I can’t tell my own stories, how can I do the same for other people? You gotta practice what you make a living off.
It gives me comfort knowing that the best writers I know write for fun. There must be a reason, right? Regardless, it’s fun to write for fun.
However, I have been suffering from writer’s block recently. Is it all in my head? Am I making excuses for myself? Maybe. The lack of recent blog posts is proof that I haven’t been able to complete a piece of writing for fun (I’ve got tons of shitty drafts though).
My songwriting has also been on hold because of this. I told myself I would take a break from live shows to focus on writing new songs because I didn’t want to keep playing the same songs forever. I haven’t played a live show in months.
I took time to write new music and I have three new demos now, but none of them have vocal melodies, let alone lyrics. Where I’m also stuck.
You know how much easier it is to write song lyrics when you’re feeling heartbroken and upset? Suddenly, everything you say sounds like poetry. It’s not what I’m going through now. I know it’s an excuse. I should be able to write lyrics even when I’m not unhappy.
It’s tough and a step out of my comfort zone. But that’s just what life is. Sometimes you need to step out of your comfort zone – if you want to make progress in life or make it interesting. You do things you don’t do every day. Like learning to write non-depressing lyrics.
Maybe I need to stop bringing my backpack to the office. My back might thank me for it. Perhaps not having access to my laptop at all times will inspire me to write more. It can’t hurt to try. And doing the same thing and expecting different results is insanity. Something needs to change.
I need to make moves, not excuses.