Humor

The opposite of smart.

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So today I was driving home, and there were two mat rempits racing on the same lane as my car– in the opposite direction. Now I’m no genius, but I do know that it is a fucking stupid thing to do. Seriously, how many deaths do they need to get it through their thick heads (thin helmets) that what they do is idiotic? It is like giving a bunch of chimps the abilities to ride a bike. No wait, I think even chimps would fare better than their more ‘evolved’ cousins.

Why are these people acting like menaces in the first place?! It’s not like they’re longing to belong to the world. They are not ‘goths’ or ’emos’. They are a subculture of morons. And not only are they doing it, their kids as well! Most of them starting from bicycles and soon after, motor bikes. If there’s one thing Malaysia needs, it is a ‘Hitler’ to eradicate this scum. Or maybe just a ban on 2 wheel bikes. (You never see tau foo fah sellers attempting these stunts!)

Good thing for those 2 bikers I don’t drive a Hummer. Or I would have gladly plowed into them headfirst. Nah I’m just kidding. If I was rich enough to own a Hummer, I would hire someone to do it for me so I wouldn’t get caught.

Riding your bike like superman doesn’t make you strong like superman. You ride headfirst into a lorry, you DIE.
And superman doesn’t need to ride a bike in the first place.

We don’t need the moon.

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Earlier today when I was driving my little sister home, I was having trouble seeing the road because it was night time and it was raining. And also for some reason my windscreen is never truly clear- no matter how much I clean it, its as clear as shit stained glass whenever cars on the opposite turn on their lights. Especially those assholes with bright ass white HID lights, or those that drive with their high beams on.

That got me thinking. Why do we have night time at all? You know what? They should just do away with night. Someone in the future should come up with some way to make sure we have daylight all the time. Life would be so much better!

Forget romantic candlelit dinners on the beach under the starry night–
we wouldn’t have crimes anymore! People could walk around any time of the day without fear of being robbed around the corner, cos they can see clearly in the daytime. People wouldn’t find night shift jobs so intimidating anymore! We wouldn’t need outdoor lights! That would save half of the world’s electricity usage!

And like Daniel Tosh said in one of his jokes (daylight saving time)- guys who go clubbing, you get to take the girl you’ve been pumping drinks into all night out into the daylight! This would prevent sexually transmitted diseases! “I’ll see you in standard time where you belong!”

Life would be very different indeed.

Grass is green

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Every time I drive by grass cutters, I get scared. But only if my windows are down. Because I always imagine a piece of stray grass flying through the air, into my car and slicing my eye causing me to go blind and crash the car when I panic because all I see is red in one eye. Why do you think they have to wear long sleeves, a face mask and goggles when cutting grass? Flying grass is lethal, that’s why!

But why does freshly cut grass smell so good? Why does it even smell in the first place? Is it bleeding? Does grass bleed? I don’t know. But all I know is that freshly cut grass smells so good, and grass cutters need to be heavily armored when working.