Why Would I Write

Category: Random

  • PastPosts reflection #1

    I recently signed up for PastPosts.com just get an idea just to see what I’ve been up to over the past year, maybe it’ll give me a chance to reflect on my life, to think about what I’ve done since then. It’s a pretty interesting service and I think you guys should check it out too, if you’re interested in knowing that kind of shit. I mean, I do visit my old blog occasionally just to read what I’ve written, and I gotta say, looking back is something I really enjoy doing.

    I know it’s better to leave the past behind than dwell on it, but I guess I’m just one of those people who appreciates all the great memories I have. I fondly remember my days back in high school and college, and I gotta say, those were some of most fun days of my life. Probably one of the best parts is that none of them were alcohol induced. Except those days after college when I would hang out at Seng Yip’s house and we would have a can of beer, two packets of nasi lemak and laugh our asses off watching The Simpsons on Star World. And I think it was more because of the TV show than the beer.

    Anyway, according to PastPosts.com, one year ago I was still in Inspidea, and it was around the time when I was teaching school kids about storytelling all over Malaysia. There was only one post on my wall – one of the kids saying thanks for accepting his friend request, and me replying him “good luck, I hope you get to go to Disney Land!”. And in my mind, it’s actually all quite fresh. I had a great time teaching those kids, and it was good bonding time with my colleagues and boss who came along on most of the trips.

    What’s been new in my life? Well. To be honest, nothing out of the ordinary. One thing I am disappointed with myself is my lack of improvement in my current job. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I can’t seem to stay focused. I can’t get my work done on time. I think since the beginning of the year, I have yet to finish on time. Not good. Maybe I should go do some yoga or meditation or something. Or take some Ritalin. I might have ADD.

    Oh yeah, and I realized I am such a heavy sleeper. I remember back when I was in high school and college, I used to be able to wake up at the slightest noise. Now, I can have my bloody alarm clock next to my head, ringing for an hour and I still won’t get up. I set three alarms on my phone all the time just to make sure I don’t miss any, and I still don’t wake up on time. I don’t hear phone calls in my sleep. Hell, I don’t even hear the knocking on my door. People have to come into my room to wake me up. I don’t know why. Is this a problem?

    The other day Andrew told me I looked like I was dying. I think I’ve been coughing for about two weeks now. Maybe I am? I think if I die, there’s a high chance I’ll be dying in my sleep. I’ll be sleeping, and some murderer comes into my room, knocks over my guitar stand in the dark and panics. The rest of my house gets up, my mom and sisters would be burst into the room, see the murderer and yell, “GEORGE! GET UP!”, and I’d still be sleeping. The murder will pull out his blade, tilt my head back and slit my throat. I’d probably feel the sharp metal slice my throat, just before I die.

    When you die, do you bring the very last sensation you feel with you? Do you carry it in the afterlife? Is there even an afterlife? People like to believe it’s heaven, or hell, or reincarnation. I don’t know. I think everything just disappears, and you cease to exist, you don’t even know you die, and you would have no memories of the past. You’d just be nothingness. In fact, you can’t even be nothing. It’ll be like you never existed. Or something.

    Maybe.

    The other day, Jason gave one of The Wishing’s songs a title: Whisky and Making Out. Then I thought to myself, damn, I’ve never had that kind of experience before. Then now I think back again. I had some sort of experience like that. Except that I wasn’t conscious. And it was Absinthe, not whisky. Did you know you can spell it whisky or whiskey? I did a quick Google search and apparently there is a difference between whiskey and whisky. I’m glad you guys learnt something today.

  • So you fought an honest battle, but this was meant to be.

    (this post was started on March 20th)
    Here I sit in my room, barely awake from a dream I had last night which was one of the oddest experiences ever. I was at a company dinner, it wasn’t mine, I can’t recall who now, but there were ang pows given out, and I picked the one with a hundred bucks. Then later I ended up at some Inspidea company dinner as well, and won another hundred bucks from a lucky draw. I felt pretty happy that night, winning 200 bucks. Other events included me jumping into a swimming pool while dressed up in formal wear. It’s just amazing what dreams are made of. And when you think about how dreams are based on life, it makes you appreciate how wonderful life is. Life is brilliant, it’s amazing in fact. We should spend every waking moment doing what we want to do. But instead, most of the time we just spend it talking, planning, thinking about things, and not seizing the day by the balls and going all out; putting words into action and plans into motion.

    I feel that’s what I’ve been doing a lot recently. Here’s the list of things that I said I’d do, but haven’t done yet: my comic, the artwork for my EP, a redesign of this website, sketches to upload to deviant art, pen lyrics for new 2storeyheart and The Wishing songs, finish reading my books, finish my work on time, and that’s only some of the things I can accomplish at home. There’s still stuff to do in the rest of the world. I’m already 25, and there’s a lot I haven’t done.

    (resumed March 28th)
    What is the point of going for something when you’re uncertain of the future? Do you do things to try and change things into your favor, or do you give up knowing your efforts will go to waste? Do you accept what you’ve been given? Or do you strive to defy all odds? What if no matter what you do, it won’t ever work out the way you want it to be? What if no matter what you do, it works out right, all the time? When do you know to continue chasing something that’s flown away? Does the man who takes his one last breath of air before he jumps into a pool of sharks think about whether he’s going to die from shark attacks or from drowning? How about the pirate with the pistol that pushed you off the plank? Maybe he thinks about the pirate shooting him. Or that giant octopus lurking somewhere?

    Is a man idealistic if he jumps into a pool of sharks, and expects to not get bitten, and be rescued by some mermaid or Aquaman passing by? Or maybe saved from above by an angel swooping down from the heavens? How about what about all the water in the sea suddenly drying up leaving the shark to flounder around uselessly? What if the man yells at the sharks, “Hey, I love you sharks! Therefore, you should love me back! All my life I’ve been nice to you, I take care of you, I feed you, I study you, hell I even named my first kid after you guys! Do you know what I mean? Do you? Do you? And you’re just gonna rip my throat out like I’m some any other guy swimming in the ocean, can’t you tell?”

    Imagine he did that, and the sharks agree not to kill him, and crown him as king of sharks and they let him be. But then, a Pit bull swims into the middle of the ocean and mauls him to death.

  • Umbrellas.

    So the other day, I walked out for lunch and brought an umbrella along with me because the sky was gloomy and it looked like it was going to rain. While I ate my food, the weather got gloomier, but it didn’t rain. When I was done with my meal, smoking my after meal cigarette, the sky was still dark, but it didn’t rain. I walked back home; nary a drop of rain. When I was almost reaching home I thought to myself, “damn, I didn’t need this umbrella.” Then I thought again, “but if it rained, I would have been prepared.” And I don’t know where I’m getting at with this post, but at that point in time, it hit me (and it felt like something blog-worthy) – it’s better to be prepared for something, regardless whether it happens or not. Like bringing condoms along on dates, regardless whether you’re going to spend the night together or not. It’s always, always, better to be prepared.

    And no, I’m not expecting a child soon. But if I did, his/her name would be Excited.

    There you go Albert, it’s not a gig update or a movie review 😉 btw, movie reviewing isn’t a job- I do it so I can continue going for press screenings 😀