Category: Thoughts

As my holiday draws to an end, I thought I’d sit down and reflect on the past few months of my life. I can summarize them in one word: great. It’s been amazing not having to worry about anything work-related. I didn’t do anything productive, as is the case with most holidays, but I did have a good time. They were probably the best months of 2017.

A short list of things I did:
– woke up late
– go to bed late
– drink lots of coffee
– visit Cameron Highlands
– played a couple of gigs in Penang, as a bassist for The Propositions
– recorded a few demo tracks
– resumed reading
– wrote a novel
– resumed blogging
– watched a lot of movies
– watched a lot of TV series
– partied a few times
– caught up with friends
– got myself hooked on mechanical keyboards
– started the design document for my first game (it’s been like 3 years, I know)
– got my first plant (LUL)
– got a new bed
– got a haircut
– played a game of basketball

Anyway, the main thing I learned about my season-long holiday is that a break from work does wonders. I’m feeling refreshed, re-energized, and re-centered. I’m ready to get back into the daily grind – in fact I’m looking forward to it. I’ll probably try to utilize my leaves as often as possible to give myself these brief respites to keep myself happy. I’m not getting any younger after all. 2018 is going to be great, I can feel it in my bones.

What I intend to do this year:
– finish my first game
– record songs that incorporate keyboards in some way
– play more sports
– learn to play a Dance Gavin Dance song

If religion is for everyone then why are some people ‘better’ at it or on a higher level? I mean, it’s supposed to be a way of life. If you’re not elevated enough, you have to suffer with the rest of the non-believers.

How can one person be closer to god than the others? How do we even know that they’re really closer? Is there some sort of scale or progression meter that tells a person how close they are to being next level? How does one decide that a person is ready to lead a church or not? Do they really get visions from god?

How do we know they’re not hallucinations, delusions, or just lies? There’s no way to verify. I could write a story about seeing a flaming chariot on the way to work and a burning bush calling out my name, but when I tried to record it on my phone, the video only showed a black screen and a voice faintly calling out a word that resembled ‘George’. Then the next day, I woke up and there was blood on my wrists and I hear the voice of Christ (how do I even know what he sounds like?) telling me to sacrifice my dog and paint my eyes with her blood, so I could see the truth. I did all that, and I started seeing the true intentions of people around me. And as you read this, feeling incredulous and think that I’m joking, I’ll tell you that you don’t believe me because you haven’t seen the truth yet. You don’t know the truth, I do! You can’t tell me otherwise because I have seen it. There are no more wounds on my wrists because it’s a miracle.

People will tell me I’m crazy and will recommend that I get checked up or sent to an institute. They’ll say I’m blaspheming. But I can say it’s the truth because I experienced it, and that you should believe me! Religion! It’s my calling! I know what’s going to happen to the world! However, nobody is going to be able to verify if I’m lying or not.

Assuming I was telling the truth, does that suddenly elevate me to a higher status? Since I had visions and god spoke to me. Will people be more inclined to take my word as truth? Beats me.

Why do we care or bother about what happens to us after we die? Why not make the most of what we know for sure – our lives that we are currently living. Sure, we don’t know for sure if we’ll be alive tomorrow morning, but we do know what we’re capable of doing in the next minute or hour. Just focus on that instead of trying to score brownie points for a proverbial next step. Like, who cares what people think of you after you’re gone? Why not work on the people who do care while you’re still around?

It’s as if there’s not enough to do in this life already, people are doing more things to make sure they’ve got a good shot at going to heaven. What is heaven? Nobody knows. Everything we’ve read about it – all written by people who haven’t been there. There’s no proof it exists, yet so many people are living their lives to get there someday.

If god really wants everyone to live in paradise with him, why not just take everybody in? Why does he need the clause that you must submit your life to him in order to be accepted? What happens if you get to heaven and choose not to be a Christian anymore? Do you get kicked out? Do you get sent to hell?

Why do people call other people ‘bro’?

I’ve previously written about how I’ve conditioned myself to write when I’m outdoors with coffee and cigarettes. It’s not much of a problem, since I don’t write that often, and I’ve been only writing for fun. However, today, as I sit here at a cafe, smoking and drinking coffee – I think I might have turned it into a habit. A dependency.

Like sure, it’s great, I get to compartmentalize my life – home is for relaxing and fun, cafes are for working. I don’t think about work when I’m home, I just think of all the fun things I can do. But because of that, when I’m home – I don’t feel like working at all these days. Like, I can’t even take my laptop out to write a simple blog post. I have to drive out of the house, get a caffeinated drink and light up a stick to get the engine running.

I admit, it works, but I don’t think it’s good in the long run. What if one day I have to quit smoking or drinking coffee? I guess I’ll learn to adapt, but if it’s in the middle of the day and I’m at the office with no chance to go out, then what? I sit at my desk and stare at the blank screen for hours?

Maybe it’ll be different when I actually do start work. Since it’s been a long time since I’ve held a writing job. But I’ll probably have to condition myself again to work differently. Unless I get an office with a smoking room (hah!) that would be fun.

What about other routines I have like taking a shit in the morning if not I’ll feel uneasy until I do? Is that a bad habit? People tell me it’s good that I have regular excretion habits, somehow I feel like I shit too much. It feels terrible leaving the house without taking a shit in the morning (i.e. I’m in a rush for a morning appointment). Especially during traffic jams. I always get the feeling like I’m about to shit my pants. Fortunately that hasn’t happened yet, but it’s bound to happen someday. right? I’ve had to deal with this for the longest time. Seems like another dependency to me.

Just like the first stick of the day. I usually have one while waiting for my car engine to warm up or as I’m exiting my condominium if I’m in a rush. My day just doesn’t start without one. I guess it’s like brushing your teeth before you go to bed or when you wake up. Nobody feels good going to bed or going out without doing it. Right?