Why Would I Write

  • Dragonfang

    “Fabian, we need your help!” came a cry from outside my open window. “Please! This is an emergency!”

    What is it now? The last time I fell for their tricks was six months ago when they told me that my crush was waiting for me around the corner. Instead it was my buddy dressed up in her clothes. I never went out with them again. They still came over to my place to hang out though. I had a PlayStation VR since I saved up my money instead of spending it on booze and parties. While I know they weren’t sincere friends, I did enjoy having some company over every now and then.

    I put down the latest issue of Weekly Shonen Jump and stuck my head out the window sill. The sun was already down, I must have been lost in its pages for some time.

    “I’m not falling for your tricks again,” I replied.

    “No, this isn’t a joke, I swear to god!”

    “You know the story of the boy who cried wolf?”

    “I’m serious, Fabian! You gotta believe me!”

    “Fine, if this is another one of your pranks you guys aren’t coming over to use my PlayStation VR for a month.”

    “Hurry! And bring your sword!”

    Sword? That was a weird request – but not something that I was going to refuse. Dragonfang had been sheathed for a while now and was thirsting for some blood. I decided to bring her out. “Sorry,” I told the other swords in my arsenal, I would bring them out another time. I quickly pulled Dragonfang off my sword rack and strapped it around my body. I put on my fedora, hopped down the stairs and opened the front door.

    Tommy was standing in my front yard, looking extremely distressed.

    “We’re under attack by some monsters! They just came out of nowhere and started killing everybody at the party!”

    He was either telling the truth or the giving the performance of a lifetime. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but monsters?

    “Dude, monsters don’t exist in the real world!”

    “Oh trust me, they do! See this blood stain on my shirt? It doesn’t belong to me, that was from Sarah – when one of those beasts took her head off!”

    There was definitely a bloodstain on his shirt.

    “Why didn’t you call the cops?”

    “We did, but they were all killed! Some back up is on the way but I don’t think that they’ll be enough. I managed to escape the party with a bunch of other people but most of them are still trapped in the house. I didn’t know who else to call!”

    “All those nights spent partying when you could have trained in the art of sword fighting with me. Tsk tsk,” I muttered.

    “Come on! We’ve got no time to debate, I’ll learn the art of the blade with you – if we survive this.”

    “You promise?”

    “I promise! Let’s go!” Tommy said as he turned and started running towards the party.

    I pulled the tip of my fedora downwards, arched my body forward and raised my arms behind me to streamline my body.

    “Dattebayo!” I yelled and ran after him.

    Writing Prompt from Reddit: While others partied, you studied the blade. Now they have the audacity to ask for help.

  • Rude Awakenings

    Rude Awakenings

    This morning I was woken up by a phone call from another telemarketer. This time it was a lady who was trying to sell me an insurance plan by my credit card. Anyway, she started her pitch off the bat. It was a special plan that would pay out a lump sum to me if I was ever diagnosed with cancer, some heart disease or something else (stroke, I think?). I was half awake, I couldn’t remember what she said. Anyway, she was really persistent on the phone despite my continuous negative replies. It got kind of annoying, and I’m not sure if she was annoyed (because I made her explain the whole plan before shutting her down) but it made me glad that I’m not a telemarketer.

    But anyway, I was just thinking about the call the marketer made. How much information do they have about us? Or was it just by chance that the covered illnesses were something that I was at risk of (stroke in the family, cancer from me smoking). Also, they must have known that I could afford the insurance plan. I wonder if the list of diseases are different for each person they call. Reminds me of Watch_Dogs, where you can identify people you come across the street and learn about their history and current convictions.

    If we all had that ability, I wonder how it would affect our daily lives. I think past criminals wouldn’t stand a chance in society. Then again, they’d probably hack their information to show something else. Which reminds me of the watch list I read about in a Reddit thread. Supposedly, there’s a leaderboard out there with our names and how many points we have for suspicious behavior on the internet. Accumulating a lot of points in a short period of time will probably raise some flags and draw attention to yourself.

    Do telemarketers have a similar sort of list of people to call? Targets with higher susceptibility ratings and people to ignore. I’d like to get onto the latter list.

    Also, please stop using my email address to sign up for shit. Whoever you are. And no, you’re not going to be able to reset my gmail password or log in from another location because I have 2FA on. Sometimes I wish I signed up for my first gmail account with a different username.

    Yes, I still do reply to spam mail. Feel free to send this guy some donations:

  • Out With The Old

    Today I spent about an hour clearing random shit from my room. Since it’s the new year, I figured that I’d tidy up my room a bit. I went through my desk and four drawers, picking up and throwing away stuff that I didn’t need. Turns out I had a lot of shit that was lying around. Bills, cards, broken pens, pieces of paper, my old TESOL assignments and teaching material, books, batteries, 56k modems (I found two of them), broken cables, used organizers, and press kits from my short stint reviewing movies a few years ago.

    Initially, I took the time to go through each item and realized that it would take too long, so I only took minor glances and what they were before deciding to throw them away. I had tons of rubbish, ended the night throwing away four bags of random shit.

    I applied the following principle to efficiently clean my room: if it was something that I hadn’t touched in years and there was no reason to keep it, I threw it away. I mean, if I hadn’t needed the items in years and I didn’t even know they were lying around in my room, they were as good as missing and it will probably be unlikely that I’ll ever need them in my lifetime. Hopefully this won’t come to bite me in the ass in the future, but we’ll see.

    I made some surprising discoveries – I found a lint roller and a portable vacuum cleaner. Two items that I had purchased in the last month. Could have saved myself some money if I had bothered looking for them (or remembered I had them in the first place). I also found my old cellphones – the Galaxy S2, Moto G and Redmi Note 3. I think they’re still semi-working, but I have no use for them. I’ll probably donate them or keep a couple around to mess with them.

    Next up, time to go through my cupboards to find even more things to throw away.

    I’m probably going to throw away my empty alcohol bottles because I don’t think it’s cool to keep them anymore. Also, they are a waste of space and a possible hazard. I’ve got tons of boxes that I kept because I thought they looked nice. They’ll be going too since I’m not going to move anywhere or resell those items they contained. I’m also going to go through my closet to get rid of clothes I never wear anymore. This should be fun!

    I’m retiring Music Mondays because I feel like they’re a bit too samey (both the bands I recommend and the way I describe them). Monday posts are now going to be miscellaneous!