Why Would I Write

  • The problem with importing a tablet

    So over the Chinese New Year break I decided that I would get a new tablet for myself (and give my trusty old iPad 2 to Max). After some research online, I decided that the NVIDIA Shield Tablet K1 would be the one for me. In terms of price, performance, size and features, it seemed like a great option – especially the price tag (RM955 including shipping). It fit my budget, and it was an Android tablet – something I hadn’t owned before. After 3+ years of using the iPad 2, I figured it’d be a good experience to try an Android tablet.

    I found the tablet on Amazon, checked out, got the SMS from my bank about my credit card being used and smiled to myself. What could go wrong?
    (more…)

  • Re-Entry

    “Get out of here, shoo! You don’t belong here. Fuck off!”
    “Look, I don’t know what you’re hopped up on and I don’t care, but I’ll call the cops if you show up here again.”

    My vision blurry, I stumbled out of the club’s rear entrance, hands fumbling in the air for a wall to prop myself upon. Kids these days, don’t they know who you are? You’re the fucking boss! How dare they disrespect you? So what if you’re high as a kite, you can do whatever you want, it’s your establishment! Yeah! Don’t these kids dope too? Damn hypocrites. Not wanting to get into another scuffle with the bouncers, I decided to approach the club from a different direction.

    I paused for a moment to catch my breath, then I reexamined my options – claiming to be the club’s owner didn’t seem to work and nobody seemed to believe me. It was going to be tough sneaking in because for some reason club security had tightened due to crime-related problems over the past few years. I didn’t have my phone with me, so it was impossible to make a call to my assistant who should be able to get me in with no issues and if I borrowed somebody’s phone, I wouldn’t have been able to call her because I didn’t remember her number.

    I heard the sound of a large vehicle pulling up next to where I exited earlier tonight – it was the ice supplier! Great, here’s your chance to get into the club. I sneaked up to the driver’s side door and waited for him to open it. Just knock the driver the fuck out, put on his uniform and pretend to deliver ice. This was some Hitman-level shit. You’re a freaking genius! When he had half of his body out of the vehicle, I slammed the door onto him.

    However, in my current condition, my door slam translated into a mere thud against the burly-sized driver who got out of the truck with a confused and annoyed look on his face. “The fuck is wrong with you?” were the last words I heard as I felt my body slammed against the side of his truck.

    Ouch. He hurt us. In the distance, sirens approached. Not long after, I felt arms lift me into the back of a vehicle.

    The following day, the papers read “Escaped Metal Asylum Patient Finally Found – Sneaking Into His Own Club!”. Oh boy, now it wasn’t just the voices in my head who were laughing at me.

    Writing Prompt from Reddit: Foreshadow the ending of your prompt within the first five sentences, but make it so subtle that it’ll still be a surprise.

  • (Circling) Parking Spots

    If there’s one thing I can’t stand when I’m in a car in a parking lot – it has to be drivers who go around in circles looking for the ‘perfect spot’ to park in. You know where’s the perfect spot? Any fucking spot. Anything is better than circling a lot for 30 mins just to find some place that’s closer to the entrance because for some reason you can’t walk more than 10 meters to the mall. Seriously. It annoys me to no end. It inconveniences other people (because parking lots usually have narrow lanes that don’t allow cars to overtake) and the time you spend circling the parking lot could be used being productive.

    You know what’s the best way to find a parking spot? Drive down to the lowest floor. Because many people in Malaysia seem obsessed about finding spots on the higher floor for some strange reason. A lot of the times, these people create jams inside malls looking for spots to park in. I think it’s a worse offense than parking in handicapped spots. At least those guys don’t hold up traffic for no reason. So, just go all the way down and chances are you’ll find plenty of places to park in. It’s a great tip which works in every mall except during public holidays (when you should be avoiding such places in the first place).

    You park your car faster, you spend less time in it, more time doing whatever you need to do, and you can even leave the mall within 15 minutes if you’re fast enough. Also, you don’t hold up people behind you. You’ll make someone else’s day. Don’t be a dick, walk a bit, it doesn’t hurt.