The other day, I was thinking about certified baristas who don’t make coffee anymore due to a change in careers. Why not give them a place to practice and make some money on the side as well? Introducing: The Freelance Barista Cafe.

While I haven’t fleshed this idea out enough to be pitchable on Dragon’s Den (good show btw if you don’t watch it already) and have no experience running a cafe, hear me out.

This is a cafe with a twist. In addition to regular baristas manning the machines and making coffee, we will have open slots every day for freelance baristas who want to work on that day. The whole concept is similar to an open mic night – but instead of playing music, they get to make drinks instead. Baristas will be paid a fixed fee or a percentage of each cup they make (or maybe a combination of both).

Why would we want freelance baristas instead of just keeping permanent ones? Well, the idea is that we have a cafe for some baristas who may be in the country on holiday, and they feel like spending a day or two to show off their skills. We could have regular folks who have been practicing making coffee at home and feel like serving the public without committing to a full-time gig. Heck, we can have baristas who are just looking for a change of environment from their regular full-time jobs. Other kinds of baristas could be retired folks looking for a fix to their itch, and poorer folks who don’t have machines to practice with at home.

Pretty sure this isn’t a thing at the moment (or I didn’t Google enough) but it needs to be in a location where there are enough Baristas to keep it going. It also gives customers who frequent the cafe new drinks to order if they’re in the mood for something other the usual.

While we won’t be able to control the standard of the guest baristas, the permanent barista we have will always be there to serve our customers standard drinks when they’re not feeling adventurous.

One thing we’ll need to keep an eye out for are folks with malicious intentions – gotta make sure our baristas don’t try to poison customers or make awful drinks on purpose.

And that’s about as much thought I’ve given to the idea. Anyone reading this blog with deep pockets, feel free to turn this idea into a reality. Maybe give me free drinks when I visit?

Is that a thing? Probably not.

Earlier, while I was having a cigarette, I noticed that I put my fingers to my lips frequently – every time I took a puff, my digits touched my chops. Usually, this never bothered me – until today.

For some unknown reason, I started thinking about where my fingers had been – the buttons on the elevators, the lid on my post box, the money in my pocket. Not very hygienic considering the state of our world at the moment. So, I did what any sane person would do: I put my cigarette out and threw the remaining pack into the bin.

Just kidding, I didn’t do the latter. However, I decided that for the rest of the day I would vape since it wouldn’t require pointers touching my facial orifice. I’ll only smoke cigarettes when I have access to soap and water to clean my claws. I’m already putting tons of unknown variables into my cavity every time I use restaurant utensils, I can afford to reduce it by one. Am I naive to think that germs can’t travel from my finger to the button of my mod, and make their way up to the mouthpiece of my vape? Probably. But it makes me feel better and that’s what counts.

But George, why don’t you just give up the habit? I’m trying to ensure the ineffectiveness of my sperm – at least until I have a vasectomy (by the way any kind of smoking is bad for your fertility, not just menthol). Also, an interesting result came up while I was Googling factoids for this post. Did you know that hand sanitizer can kill sperm? It’s not recommended though.

Seeing posts about people panicking on my social media feeds is doing nothing but spreading the fear. At least mass gatherings are banned. People who don’t have to attend church anymore will realize how much more fun it is to sleep in on Sundays and to keep their hard-earned money for themselves. You don’t know how churches spend their money anyway.

I can’t wait for the lockdown, then I’ll get to jam with my neighbors. Would give me a reason to dust off my harmonica (if I can find it).

How Sicilians deal with the quarantine
byu/beethy inPublicFreakout

On the bright side, most people are staying in and playing video games. It’s a great way to pass the time and there’s no physical contact. Skip LAN parties (RIP Geekfam after qualifying for the LA Major) and couch co-op, ya dingus.