Why Would I Write

  • Mindful Smoking

    Is that a thing? Probably not.

    Earlier, while I was having a cigarette, I noticed that I put my fingers to my lips frequently – every time I took a puff, my digits touched my chops. Usually, this never bothered me – until today.

    For some unknown reason, I started thinking about where my fingers had been – the buttons on the elevators, the lid on my post box, the money in my pocket. Not very hygienic considering the state of our world at the moment. So, I did what any sane person would do: I put my cigarette out and threw the remaining pack into the bin.

    Just kidding, I didn’t do the latter. However, I decided that for the rest of the day I would vape since it wouldn’t require pointers touching my facial orifice. I’ll only smoke cigarettes when I have access to soap and water to clean my claws. I’m already putting tons of unknown variables into my cavity every time I use restaurant utensils, I can afford to reduce it by one. Am I naive to think that germs can’t travel from my finger to the button of my mod, and make their way up to the mouthpiece of my vape? Probably. But it makes me feel better and that’s what counts.

    But George, why don’t you just give up the habit? I’m trying to ensure the ineffectiveness of my sperm – at least until I have a vasectomy (by the way any kind of smoking is bad for your fertility, not just menthol). Also, an interesting result came up while I was Googling factoids for this post. Did you know that hand sanitizer can kill sperm? It’s not recommended though.

    Seeing posts about people panicking on my social media feeds is doing nothing but spreading the fear. At least mass gatherings are banned. People who don’t have to attend church anymore will realize how much more fun it is to sleep in on Sundays and to keep their hard-earned money for themselves. You don’t know how churches spend their money anyway.

    I can’t wait for the lockdown, then I’ll get to jam with my neighbors. Would give me a reason to dust off my harmonica (if I can find it).

    How Sicilians deal with the quarantine
    byu/beethy inPublicFreakout

    On the bright side, most people are staying in and playing video games. It’s a great way to pass the time and there’s no physical contact. Skip LAN parties (RIP Geekfam after qualifying for the LA Major) and couch co-op, ya dingus.

  • I Am

    Things were different in the past, now people care about my color.
    At times I am a burden, other times I am a frill.
    I can be specific or all-encompassing. I am ubiquitous.
    You could live without me but it would be difficult.
    Commonly found in the air or on the ground, above and under you.
    People worry when Iā€™m left alone in populated places.
    You put in me things you trust. I try to keep them safe.

    The other day I woke up with a dream where I wrote a riddle and I thought it was brilliant, I managed to save a line on my phone before going back to sleep. I thought I’d try to recreate it but it turns out that writing a clever riddle is harder than I thought. To write a clever riddle you have to skirt the line between being too obtuse or too obvious – something I haven’t mastered. In turn, doing this exercise made me appreciate the amount of work that goes into creating good riddles. Maybe I’ll attempt more in the future.

    In case you didn’t figure it out already, I am a bag.

  • Labor Goals

    Over the past few weeks, I’ve come to realize that looking for a job is like looking for a life partner (or maybe I’m just mashing two subjects together, who knows?).

    In the past – people used to flip through classified pages to look for jobs – and to look for partners. While most of the searching has evolved to be online today, newspapers can still be used in the same way.

    Life partners can be introduced to people – so can jobs. People set up friends with each other all the time, they do the same with jobs too. There’s no guarantee that they will fit well – but at least you can say you tried.

    Head hunters function like matchmakers – seeking out potential candidates for companies or people to fall in love with.

    Relationships can end out of the blue – like being let go from a job. The difference is you sometimes get compensated by the company.

    Full-time jobs usually take up a significant amount of time – and so do relationships. If they don’t, it’s very cushy and you should keep it.

    Some jobs give you money, and so do some relationships, but some relationships require you to spend money to keep them (though it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to equate that to working for no pay).

    It’s not necessary to have either, but a good job or relationship will make your life much more pleasant.

    Rejecting a job offer is usually the nail in the coffin with a company, which is similar to rejecting a partner. Sometimes it’s due to various circumstances a person can’t commit to either. Maybe it’s not the right time, maybe it’s not what they’re looking for right now. Sometimes you try again after a few years, there’s no telling if it’ll be better the second time. It could work or fail terribly.

    When you find the right job or relationship – they say it doesn’t feel like work anymore. Everything just falls into place. You’re content, happy, and tell everyone about it. It’s all you’ve ever wanted in life.

    However, people sometimes look for new jobs while currently employed and or companies come knocking with a seductive deal. There’s always a better option out there – right?