Growing up, I always wondered why the Western kids I saw on TV behaved so differently from the kids around me. There were clips of kids flipping off their parents and being assholes to them.
At home, whatever Mom said was the law. Don’t watch TV while eating. Go to bed even when the sky was still bright. Stay home. We did all that, no questions asked. If we questioned her, out came the feather duster. Or the open palms.
I was told that our parents and elders were always right and shouldn’t be disrespected. Age mattered. That included older siblings, too. Because it was all I knew, I assumed everyone else grew up the same way.
A few months ago, I was looking up Confucianism for some reason. I came across its teachings on family duty, respect for elders, and filial piety.
I was like, wait a minute, this is just how I was raised!
Nobody had ever mentioned Confucianism in our household. If I had to guess, my parents were raised the same way and did the same with us. And silly me thought these were the universal rules for morality.
Over time, I realized other people didn’t grow up with the same rules. Children acting like brats in public. Adults who seemed to not give a shit about their parents. Younger siblings pushing their older siblings around.
It took me a while to realize that people could feel differently about what they owed their families. For me, being filial was second nature. Taking care of our parents as they get older was never really discussed in my family. It was just assumed. They took care of us, and we’d do the same for them.
Discovering Confucianism gave a name to something I’d always taken for granted. Now I wonder what else in my life has a name I haven’t stumbled across yet.