Having just moved into your new home, you jokingly say “If there are any monsters in my room, come out and we can make a truce!” Then, a skeleton walks out of your closet.
I dropped my backpack onto the floor in shock and inched towards the exit, wishing that I hadn’t closed the door.
“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” said the skeleton as it closed the closet door behind it. (I assumed it was speaking despite its lack of lungs and larynx. The alternative explanation was me imagining voices in my head, which was probably just as bad).
“Are you questioning my ability to speak?” it asked when I didn’t respond to its first question. (Holy fuck, was it a mind reader too?) “No, I’m not a mind reader, that’s just what all the other people I’ve encountered asked when they met me.”
“Come on kid, I don’t have all day. What are the terms of the truce this time?”
“I didn’t think of one yet! Give me some time!” I managed to blurt out. It was the truth, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I said those words.
“You’ve got ten seconds, if not I’ll go all Army of Darkness on you!” (it sure knows its trivia!).
“Okay, don’t bother me and my family, and I will feed you once a week!”
“What, do you think I need food to survive? Look at me!” the skeleton retorted.
“I didn’t think it true! What kind of truce has worked for you in the past?”
“I the life of your firstborn child in exchange for peace and quiet is a pretty common one I’ve received,” it said.
“What if I don’t want kids?”
“What the fuck is wrong with you? Everybody wants to start a family!”
“Not me. I don’t want any kids.”
“Fine, you can make that promise then, since you won’t be having any kids. It’s a win-win for you.”
“Are you going to meddle in my affairs? Will you try to get my partners pregnant?”
“Hell no, I’ve got better things to do than to make holes in condoms.”
“What the fuck do you do inside the closet anyway?”
“That’s none of your concern.”
“So we have a deal?”
“And kids, that is the story of how you lost an older brother. So if you see a skeleton in your closet, be sure not to make promises you might later regret.”
Writing Prompt from Reddit: “Having just moved into your new home, you jokingly say “If there are any monsters in my room, come out and we can make a truce!” Then, a skeleton walks out of your closet.”